Category Archives: writing

Dear Readers, I had a lot of fun with this contest. Thank you so much for your funny and often touching stories about lies. I know we all lie a bit when it’s awkward or hurtful to tell the truth, but some of these are hilarious. Have a look!

The most embarrassing lie was telling friends we were staying home and then meeting them unexpectedly at a restaurant with other friends.

Can’t really remember one, I’m so truthful. Maybe that is a lie… ?

I still hang my head over this particular lie—There I was, a 5th grader in gym class, not wanting to touch any of the boys. It was mandatory to participate in square dancing and that involved holding hands. The only person excused was one of my best friends who had a note from her mom excusing her because she had scabies on her hands. So, I got the brilliant idea to write a note that would excuse me from participation. Well, it was also forged *hangs head in shame* with my mother’s name and my excuse *covers face with hands* was that it was against my religion. I still wonder to this day why I thought it was a brilliant idea!

While I was a teenager I lied to a boy I liked because I was embarrassed to tell him I liked him. Instead I told him I liked him but not like that. To prove it, I started dating another loser. I really did like the first boy. I regret that now

I was very young and happily told my parents I’d brushed my teeth. Considering the meal we’d eaten, it was probably very obvious I hadn’t. Without a word, my father went to the bathroom, brought out my toothbrush and simply said, “It’s dry.”

One day we came home from the store to find several eggs splattered on the roof. We asked our boys, who had stayed home, what had happened. My oldest, who never got into trouble, stated with all seriousness that a bird must have laid them while in flight. So, you are saying we have chickens flying around here? we said. Must be, he said. He finally owned up and admitted that it was a pretty ridiculous stretch.

The funniest lie I ever told was when I was in high school many years ago. I was in math class with a friend when the teacher was writing/teaching on the whiteboard with his back to us. My friend and I were advanced in the class and often bored… One day I smacked myself in the face as hard as I could take it to leave a mark and make a loud sound, and exclaimed, “Ouch, damn it, Jacob.”

The teacher immediately turned around, pointed at Jacob, scolded him and told him to stop horsing around.

I’m sure my best lies would be telling mom – No, I didn’t eat it!!!

I don’t know that this is funny but it was my most tactful stretching of the truth!

For our wedding, my aunt from rural East Texas gave us a ceramic plate with raised fruit on it. The plate was intended to be a wall hanging. My aunt hand-painted it in bright colors, too! She was my favorite aunt but her talent was cooking, not art. It was soooo obviously an unskilled undertaking! So we hung the plate in our laundry area in the garage. Ouch! But when I wrote her my thank you card, I told her we hung it in a room that needed color! I miss her cooking!

I am a grandmother who enjoys traumatizing her grandchildren. My most recent was the story of where they came from. I told the eldest, a girl, she was left with her mother while she was waiting for the bus— an old guy came up to her and asked her to hold a bag for him but he never came back. When her bus came she decided to take it with her. Once she was on the bus and the bag started making noises, she realized it was a baby. I told the middle one, a boy, that she found him at the store when she asked the produce guy to pick her out a watermelon. She didn’t realize it was a baby till she got home and he started crying because he was hungry. The baby girl, well, it was storming outside and there was a huge boom and the sky lit up with lightening and a tree in the yard exploded. Their mother looked out the window to see the damage and there was a baby laying in a roasting pan on the front porch so she went outside to grab her. Yes the story changes. This is just the latest version and it depends on if they are harassing me or if I am being a brat. ?

Well it’s not so funny but the biggest whopper, was when I was in grade school, I have vitiligo and instead of letting the other students make fun of me, I said I was pushed into a bonfire and they were scars from the fire.

When my sister and I were was kids we were climbing a pine tree. The bark was skinned in a little spot and sap was running out. I told her it was where syrup was from so she tried it. Needless to say, she had that nasty taste in her mouth for awhile.

I’m not a good liar so I don’t tell them. However when I was a little girl I loved little Debbie oatmeal cream pies and I would sneak them out of the cabinet. My mom noticed they were disappearing rather rapidly and asked me about it. I told her I knew nothing about it and didn’t even know their whereabouts. I don’t know if she believed me or knew the truth. I just figure she blamed it on my Dad or sister

Thank you to everyone who participated. Leave a comment with your best lie!